<![CDATA[Orchid Advocacy - Translational Love, Relationships & Neuro-Diversity Saturday]]>Fri, 17 May 2024 06:20:01 -0700Weebly<![CDATA[The Perils of Using "Reasonableness" &/or Past Experience as a STAND-IN for "I Don't Know"]]>Mon, 11 Dec 2023 12:01:17 GMThttps://orchidadvocacy.org/translational-love-relationships--neuro-diversity-saturday/the-perils-of-using-reasonableness-or-past-experience-as-a-stand-in-for-i-dont-know
Picture
Val's Take
  • Executive Functioning, Metabolic Differences, Ramped Up Stress Responses, Speech Gifts and Deficits, etc.
AND
  • Some BIG SUBSTANTIVE STRENGTHS

[Hyper-Sensuality--- is part of Neurodiversity and it doesn't necessarily look like what one might expect.

   I think the Denver Art Museum's Sinners, Saints, Lovers & Fools --- gets pretty close to the truth ---
there's nothing quite like being Hyper-Sensual and Hyper Self-Conscious at the same time.]


Executive Functioning Differences
  • My own belief is that many of these EXECUTIVE FUNCTIONING DIFFERENCES are driven by the DEMANDS OF GREATER PROCESSING:
    • Short Term Memory Issues
    • Planning
    • Decision-making
    • Organizational Issues
    • Emotional Regulation
      • Those HYPER-CONNECTED LOGICAL BRAINS are ironically requiring special care to avoid MELTDOWNS, PANIC ATTACKS, BURNOUTS and/or BREAKDOWNS
    • And just to make it more fun --- this is coming in all kinds of COMBINATIONS.


Past experience of most people would say ---- MOST PEOPLE DON'T NECESSARILY HAVE THESE ISSUES
  • Therefore, if you do have these issues --- IT IS NOT REASONABLE
  • AND/OR --- you can't have any really big STRENGTHS OR TALENTS
  • For the ASYNCHRONOUS PERSON DEPENDING WHERE THEY HAVE LANDED in the SOCIAL HIERARCHY and what their STRENGTHS and WEAKNESSES actually are and what the ENVIRONMENT is like---
    • May believe they are BETTER than other people
    • WORSE than other people
    • That some people are just BETTER and WORSE than other people.
CLARENCE DARROW in his 1903 address to the inmates of Cook County Jail in Chicago --- now recognized as probably the largest Mental Health Institution in the country:
  • "In one sense we're all equally good and equally bad --- we all do the best we can under the circumstances."
Picture
At some point, I think Stanford Professor Robert Sapolsky's 2017 book "Behave" is going to be one of the milestones and privotal events in the process of changing our understanding of human behavior.
I would say there are at least 4 BIG CATEGORIES of "CIRCUMSTANCES" people are contending with:
  • one's own biology (which is NOT ALL HUMAN btw)
  • the biologies of the people around them (again NOT ALL HUMAN)
  • the social environment
  • the physical environment (including toxins)

and these CHANGING CIRCUMSTANCES  impact OUR BIOLOGIES.
Beyond that --- IT'S NOT JUST THE BRAIN, IT'S NOT JUST "NEURAL."
Neuroscientist & Author Antonio Damasio
It is really from having been surrounded by ASYNCHRONOUS PEOPLE all my life that I know there are SOME BIG STRENGTHS, SOME BIG WEAKNESSES --- and they are:
  • NOT THE SAME
  • they are INDIVIDUAL
]]>
<![CDATA[Slowing Down to Manage High Reactivity and an ISR** ---- an Integrated Stress Response]]>Sat, 06 May 2023 00:16:02 GMThttps://orchidadvocacy.org/translational-love-relationships--neuro-diversity-saturday/slowing-down-to-manage-high-reactivity-and-an-isr-an-integrated-stress-response
Conjecture
  • Part of this is really not only giving ourselves permission to do this --- but others as well.
    • But we do need to get our own OXYGEN MASK ON.
 
  • Right now managing having MORE REACTIVE CELLS and HYPER-CONNECTED BRAINS is pretty difficult and complicated.
    • I don't think that is always going to be the case.
Picture
Affliation
  • Department of Pharmacology, College of Medicine, University of Tennessee Health Science Center, Memphis, TN, USA.
The amygdala integrates and processes incoming information pertinent to reward and to emotions such as fear and anxiety that promote survival by warning of potential danger.

Basolateral amygdala (BLA) communicates bi-directionally with brain regions affecting cognition, motivation and stress responses including prefrontal cortex, hippocampus, nucleus accumbens and hindbrain regions that trigger norepinephrine-mediated stress responses.

Disruption of intrinsic amygdala and BLA regulatory neurocircuits is often caused by dysfunctional neuroplasticity frequently due to molecular alterations in local GABAergic circuits and principal glutamatergic output neurons.

Changes in local regulation of BLA (Basolateral Amygdala) excitability underlie behavioral disturbances characteristic of disorders including post-traumatic stress syndrome (PTSD), autism, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) and stress-induced relapse to drug use.

In this Review, we discuss molecular mechanisms and neural circuits that regulate physiological and stress-induced dysfunction of BLA/amygdala and its principal output neurons.

We consider effects of stress on motivated behaviors that depend on BLA; these include drug taking and drug seeking, with emphasis on nicotine-dependent behaviors.

Throughout, we take a translational approach by integrating decades of addiction research on animal models and human trials.

We show that changes in BLA function identified in animal addiction models illuminate human brain imaging and behavioral studies by more precisely delineating BLA mechanisms.

In summary, BLA is required to promote responding for natural reward and respond to second-order drug-conditioned cues; reinstate cue-dependent drug seeking; express stress-enhanced reacquisition of nicotine intake; and drive anxiety and fear.
University of Michigan School of Medicine
Bipolar Disorder associated with MORE REACTIVE CELLS.

PBS Great Performances
Schumann believed to have Bipolar Disorder

University of Virginia School of Medicine
Immune System may have a large role in Social Behavior

Autism from the Inside
TRAUMA & CONSENT

This does need to be considered in personal relationships.

This is also complicated when we're talking about EMPLOYMENT and PUBLIC POLICY.

And Neuro-Diverse --- Highly Reactive People --- are often represented throughout our Economic & Political Spectrums.

]]>
<![CDATA[NEURO-DIVERSITY:  DEFICIT or EXCESS?]]>Tue, 21 Mar 2023 16:25:13 GMThttps://orchidadvocacy.org/translational-love-relationships--neuro-diversity-saturday/neuro-diversity-deficit-or-excess
When We're Talkin' Neuro-Diversity --- Whether it is a DEFICIT or an EXCESS Depends on How You Look At It

Further, Neuro-Developmental Inflammation can come in all kinds of "PACKAGES" ---
  • We need Authentic Relationships in which people feel comfortable setting and maintaining IDIOSYNCRATIC BOUNDARIES
  • That is going to FEEL more "REASONABLE" if we have BIOMARKERS.

People are getting more familiar with SENSORY ISSUES:
  • When I was a kid "PICKY EATING" was just "PICKY EATING" --- now it is often associated with AUTISM.
    • My poor mother was stuck with a child that routinely cried at the table if requested to try any new foods and it was quite melodramatic --- My mom --- "Give me strength just get through dinner."
    • My Dad I think as a child and even to some extent into adulthood had some of his own picky eating ---- although not to my extent --- so I was never forced to eat anything --- they tried the always popular "Just Try It Once"  --- but I rarely did.
      • I'm still the "PICKIEST EATER" in my family . . . even my kids aren't as "PICKY" as I am.

BUT there are OTHER SENSORY ISSUES with SMELL and SOUND --- and I'm often the one saying, "Give me a break."
  • BUT if I don't respect those SENSORY ISSUES --- I generally live to regret it.
Now just to COMPLICATE this a little ---- DO I MASK --- yes ---- EVEN IF all the MASKS came down I wouldn't look like the person we TRADITIONALLY think of with "AUTISM."
There are PEOPLE and FACES at the TOP of the ORCHID website pretty much everyday ----
  • Because that is WHAT I LIKE TO LOOK AT --- AUTHENTICALLY.
Kings College London
Thinking Twice About ADHD and Autism Spectrum Disorder


Talk delivered by Professor Patrick Bolton, Professor of Child & Adolescent Neuropsychiatry, Department of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry, Institute of  Psychology, Psychiatry & Neuroscience
I want to go even further with this:  AUTISM and ADHD are BLURRED CATEGORIES ---
  • EVEN FURTHER --- they are NOT GOOD CATEGORIES.
  • This appears to really be about COMMON GENES and MATERNAL IMMUNE ACTIVATION that can be very INDIVIDUAL.
If all we've got are SYMPTOM CLUSTERS AND WE DON'T KNOW ANY BETTER--- we go with SYMPTOM CLUSTERS ----
  • BUT the RESEARCH is painting a MUCH MORE COMPLICATED PICTURE ---
  • We're trying to get those BIOMARKERS which I think are going to involve NEURO-DEVELOPMENTAL INFLAMMATION and it's IDIOSYNCRATIC EFFECT on MULTIPLE SYSTEMS OF THE BODY ----
It's quite a tale of the INDIVIDUAL and the SOCIETY --- because no individual could figure this out by themselves ---- and what we're finding is enormous INDIVIDUALITY. 
]]>
<![CDATA[Beyond Mr. Spock & Logic]]>Tue, 03 Jan 2023 18:41:59 GMThttps://orchidadvocacy.org/translational-love-relationships--neuro-diversity-saturday/beyond-mr-spock-logic
Conjecture
  • When we see somebody like Brittany Griner ---- she is NOT HETEROSEXUAL and she doesn't look like the majority of women ---
    • yet she is a woman --- I don't think we need to take it PERSONALLY OR AS INSULT that people are CONFUSED.
    • I also don't think we have to DENY REALITY either.
 
  • People are coming in a lot of "PACKAGES" that people are NOT EXPECTING and especially given some of our SEXUAL STEREOTYPES and STEREOTYPES IN GENERAL
 
  • What I'm wanting to consider is that NEURO-DIVERSE HETERO-SEXUAL male or female who may be a little more EXTREME and what I'm wanting to throw out there are:
    • LANGUAGE ABILITIES,
    • LOGIC ABILITIES and
    • VISUAL-SPATIAL THINKING.
 
  • Feminists of the 1970s were an INTENSE BREED and most sad to me was that they were relying on some guy to VALIDATE THEM (to say they were "EQUAL") and what they valued were GUY THINGS.
    • I can do anything you can do better.
 
  • This is NOT NECESSARILY GOING WHERE YOU THINK IT IS.
 
  • Things are NOT ALWAYS AS THEY APPEAR.
 
  • Through a big part of human history --- women haven't been taught to read ---
    • Not all girls and women --- but many to most are better readers than boys and men.
 
  • When we think about VERBAL LANGUAGE certainly ---
    • a lot of information is being conveyed by TONE
    • what is regulating that TONE is often some type of EMOTIONAL RESPONSE to INFORMATION and/or the ENVIRONMENT.
 
  • Further, some Mental Health Apps are trying to key off of TONE OF VOICE as an indicator of mental health issues ---
    • and at least one study suggests that most arguments are more about TONE OF VOICE than SUBSTANCE.
 
  • Historically, we've thought that people who were VERY EMOTIONAL were VERY ILLOGICAL --
    • Women have been hit with this a lot --
    • But some men, too
 
  • Further, if you start equating being UNEMOTIONAL with being LOGICAL which we do ----
    • We have a tendency to SKIP the LOGIC Part and just try to appear UNEMOTIONAL.
 

  • What I'm trying to get at is --- I don't think EMOTIONAL EQUATES TO ILLOGICAL.
 
  • WHAT ELSE AM I TRYING TO GET AT?
    • I do think EMOTION is a little like FIRE
      • Is it a good thing or a bad thing ---
        • IT DEPENDS
 
  • I don't think it is any accident that we sometimes refer to people with "mental illness" as being "TOUCHED BY FIRE."
    • Further, a lot of people with Neuro-Developmental Disorders got that "GIFTED LABEL" before that LATE DIAGNOSIS
 
  • We used to use the word MATHEMATICS --- but in the US --- it's MATH
    • In Britain --- it's "MATHS"
      • and I've come to think that is IMPORTANT. 
      • For me personally, ALGEBRA does help with REASONING --- but it is not the only TOOL I'm using.
 
  • To me, LOGIC is something that you practice in BOTH LANGUAGE and MATHEMATICS.
 
  • EMOTION is NOT SYNONYMOUS with EITHER LOGIC or ILLOGIC
    • Emotion is part of the REASONING PROCESS
    • Generally, NOT ALWAYS  ---
      • Females can take on MORE EMOTION than Males ---
        • Before things start to really go off the RAILS ---
        • BUT that's NOT UNLIMITED 

To me, we all have to be CAREFUL with EMOTIONAL OVERWHELM and the threshhold for some men is less than for some women.
Brittany Griner
Photo Credit:  Wall Street Journal

The ICON of UNEMOTIONAL RATIONALITY & LOGIC ---

Mr. Spock from the Star Trek TV Series 1966-1969

I don't really have a problem with someone wanting to pair UNEMOTIONAL DEMEANOR with LOGIC ---
What I really have a problem with is--- putting on a FACADE of UNEMOTIONALITY and  FORGETTING  THE LOGIC.

On the other hand --- I don't particularly like to deal with people who are IMPLODING or EXPLODING --- although if there is some LOGIC (there often isn't) --- I'll try to work through it with you.

BOTTOM LINE:  I'm probably more LOGICAL than you are --- If pushed --- I will prove it.

I used to be TOO POLITE to point that out --- I'm not anymore.
  • Especially for people who were supposed to be on my TEAM

I don't think it is just NEURO-DIVERSE Wpmen who are often TOO POLITE ---
  • for a lot of Neuro-Diverse people POLITENESS was an UNCONSCIOUS COMPENSATORY STRATEGY for Executive Functioning Challenges.
  • I think we need to get EDUCATED & HONEST about our EXECUTIVE FUNCTIONING CHALLENGES ---
    • And stop putting up with people walking all over us.
This represents a lot of FRUSTRATION over DECADES ----
BUT the Truth is during most of that time I DID NOT KNOW I had Executive Functioning Differences ---
  • What I did know was that I had Substantive Abilities that were often above those around me.

FURTHER
  • These people that I am SO FRUSTRATED WITH ---
  • If the TRUTH be told  --- often were contending with their own Neuro-Diversity.
]]>
<![CDATA[The Double Blind, Triple Secret Gaslight]]>Sun, 11 Dec 2022 11:58:45 GMThttps://orchidadvocacy.org/translational-love-relationships--neuro-diversity-saturday/the-double-blind-triple-secret-gaslight
When we think about this kind of "GASLIGHTING" we're often talking about some kind of DUPLICITY --- and that is it's own FEAR-BASED PATHOLOGY.

What I'm wanting to talk about is I think something that is more COMMON and more HONEST but nonetheless PROBLEMATIC among Neuro-Diverse People:
  • Ramped Up Stress Responses
  • Catastrophizing
  • Emotional Intensity
  • NOT being duped by the crazy ideas of the other person
  • BUT those crazy ideas are the GASLIGHT to your own ramped exaggerated concerns about the other person.

THIS CAN BE A DOWNWARD SPIRAL.

I'm not saying there aren't dangerous situations out there --- there are --- we need to deal with them.

BUT sometimes what is happening is situations are being WORSENED by our own STRESS RESPONSES that are HARMING our OVERALL HEALTH and our OVERALL ABILITY TO PROBLEM-SOLVE.

Some people worry about MONEY, LOVE, the WEATHER, POLITICS, their KIDS, and/or GRANDKIDS, etc.


I remember my maternal grandmother saying, "YOU'RE GOING TO WORRY ME TO DEATH" -- if one of the grand-kids was doing something that was a little questionable.
  • Ignoring something wasn't necessarily the right response --
  • Getting "worried to death" probably isn't either.

For people who are Neuro-Diverse with ramped up STRESS RESPONSES -----our ATTACHMENT STYLES and RAMPED UP CONFLICT STYLES can be PROBLEMATIC just as in other cases they can be BENEFICIAL.
AND you add on to all of this EMOTIONAL INTENSITY --- that can include Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria ---- and you have the DOUBLE BLIND, TRIPLE SECRET GASLIGHT.
Picture
Charles Boyer and Ingrid Bergman in Gaslight (1944)
"Gaslighting" has entered the lexicon deriving from "the title of the 1944 American film Gaslight, though the term did not gain popular currency in English until the mid-2010s.
  • The term may also be used to describe a person (a "gaslighter") who presents a false narrative to another group or person, thereby leading them to doubt their perceptions and become misled, disoriented or distressed.
  • Oftentimes this is for the gaslighter's own benefit.
  • Normally, this dynamic is possible only when the audience is vulnerable, such as in unequal power relationships, or fearful of the losses associated with challenging the false narrative. (Wikipedia)
To me what is HILARIOUS --- is there is this Australian Engineer with Autism on YouTube who is giving some of the best relationship advice out there.

A big insight I think that Paul Micallef has is to SOLVE PROBLEMS "SOON" --- but not necessarily immediately.

I tend to get so stressed out --- that I used to think things had to be solved immediately:
  • Unfortunately, my ramped up stress response could ramp up the other person and OVERWHELM them with ANXIETY---PANIC
  • which would lead to my own PANIC
  • and it didn't necessarily lead to anything getting resolved.
3 Tips for Neurodivergent Marriages --- (Is Your Partner Autistic? ADHD? Neurotypical?!?)
  • Solve Problems Soon
  • Set Your Partner Up for Success
  • Focus on What You Can Control (Put Your Own Oxygen Mask on First)
]]>
<![CDATA[How We Unwittingly Put Ourselves & Others in Catch-22s]]>Tue, 13 Sep 2022 12:23:33 GMThttps://orchidadvocacy.org/translational-love-relationships--neuro-diversity-saturday/how-we-unwittingly-put-ourselves-others-in-catch-22sSlow Processing, Time Management Issues, Unrealistic Expectations & Ramped Up Stress Responses
Conjecture

Asynchronous people with Slow Processing are going to be in a WORLD OF HURT if they don't recognize some IDIOSYNCRATIC Time Management Challenges.


Ideally, parents and teachers are aware of idiosyncratic time management challenges for the "EXCEPTIONALITIES."
  • But we're just starting to appreciate these issues from an occupational therapy standpoint ---
  • The reality is most kids & adults are on their own.

There can be a lot of "CRASH & BURN" --- especially when these ASYNCHRONOUS KIDS become ADULTS and they don't have the EXECUTIVE FUNCTIONING SUPPORT that was being provided by their families.
  • TOUGH LOVE is probably the WRONG PRESCRIPTION in most cases where we're dealing with a NEURO-DEVELOPMENTAL DIFFERENCE such as ADHD, Autism, Dyslexia and or "Giftedness"/Asynchrony.

We now understand that there are SERIOUS CONCERNS when people are accumulating a COMPOUNDING "SLEEP DEBT" ---
  • I would submit there are SERIOUS HEALTH CONCERNS when we're accumulating a COMPOUNDING "TIME DEBT."
    • and this is what is a contributing factor to NEURO-DIVERSE BURNOUT &/or BREAK-DOWN.
Now what is particularly UNHELPFUL is for us or the people in our lives to say:
  • "If you really cared/ were responsible or loved me --- YOU/WE WOULDN'T HAVE THESE CHALLENGES."  --- OR
  • YOU'RE AN IDIOT
By and large, a lot of taking this personally and failing to recognize STRENGTHS ---
  • goes away when we recognize the NEURO-DEVELOPMENTAL EXECUTIVE FUNCTIONING DIFFERENCES --- AND
  • THE ASYNCHRONY

Now most us want this kind of "FORBEARANCE" and Understanding --- BUT we're not particularly good at giving it.
The more the NUTS & BOLTS of Occupational Therapy approaches to Executive Functioning Issues and Asynchrony are developed and understood in the Society ---
  • the easier it will be for Individuals, Families, Employers and the Society at large. 
Image Credit:  St. Catherine University ---
Val's Take:  Traditional "Therapy" has an important place in the TOOL KIT --- But we're often missing "OCCUPATIONAL THERAPY."  

Significant private and public resources are WASTED by not addressing Executive Functioning Issues from an OCCUPATIONAL THERAPY PERSPECTIVE.

]]>
<![CDATA[Neuro-Diverse Relationships are Hard Work--- You Are Carrying A Heavy Load for An Ignorant Society]]>Mon, 05 Sep 2022 15:20:07 GMThttps://orchidadvocacy.org/translational-love-relationships--neuro-diversity-saturday/neuro-diverse-relationships-are-hard-work-you-are-carrying-a-heavy-load-for-an-ignorant-society
Conjecture

  • LGBTQ+  and Heterosexuality are often (not always) something you are aware of from a young age.
    • I didn't just wake up one morning and decide I was HETEROSEXUAL --- I can remember at 3 having a crush on the 4-year neighbor boy and and he was paying much more attention to Lissa --- I'm still working on forgiving Lissa.
      • Now, like a lot of things --- not everybody may fit this mold.
 
  • When we talk about Neuro-Diversity we're talking about a mix of HETEROSEXUAL and LGBTQ+ folks who UNLIKE THEIR SEXUALITY ----
    • Came to find out about their NEURO-DIVERSITY --- sometimes not until they were ADULTS.
      • Many people don't have a LABEL or a CATEGORY however imperfect to try understand the perplexing mix of often HIGH SUBSTANTIVE STRENGTHS and EXECUTIVE FUNCTIONING CHALLENGES. 
 
  • Further, the Society and Our Mental Health Profession aren't very good at understanding NEURO-DIVERSITY either.
    • Progress is being made -- slowly.
    • Everyone's doing the best they can --- but I'm pretty pissed about being asked to "PAY OUT OF NETWORK" for the STANDARD OF CARE THAT IS REALLY OUT THERE.*
 
  • For Neuro-Diverse people, Families and the Societies it's coming to EMBRACE both the HIGH STRENGTHS --- AND --- THE EXECUTIVE FUNCTIONING CHALLENGES.
    • It has IMPLICATIONS in BOTH AREAS.
    • Further, it has IDIOSYNCRATIC IMPLICATIONS in both areas.
 
  • If we're not BUDGETING THE TIME & ENERGY to UNDERSTAND --- AND ---- ACCOMMODATE/WORK AROUND these IDIOSYNCRATIC DIFFERENCES ---
    • We will be sorry.
 
  • The more we are able to do this as a SOCIETY, get some ROUGH TEMPLATES to address HIGH STRENGTHS and EXECUTIVE FUNCTIONING CHALLENGES--- the easier this is going to be for everyone. 
Neurodivergent Rebel
Setting & Maintaining Boundaries when You are Autistic or Neurodivergent

[Now, I think "BOUNDARIES" are important for understanding the CONTOURS of Solutions --- to get to 3rd Alternatives.

Further, if you're in a Relationship and you are Neuro-Diverse --- I think there is a high likelihood that the other person is also Neuro-Diverse --- and they will be wanting/needing to set their own idiosyncratic boundaries.

I don't think this is just about Neuro-Typical vs. Neuro-Diverse.

]]>
<![CDATA[PICK YOUR MEANS TO ADDRESS CONFLICT?  What If It Is Not ---- Speech]]>Sun, 04 Sep 2022 19:00:56 GMThttps://orchidadvocacy.org/translational-love-relationships--neuro-diversity-saturday/pick-your-means-to-address-conflict-what-if-it-is-not-speech
In a lot of movies, the hero is facing off against the bad guy BUT he can PICK HIS WEAPON OF CHOICE ---
  • He picks a particular type of sword and little does the bad guy know that the hero is an EXPERT at SWORD FIGHTING.
 
When we talk about "SPEECH" and Neuro-Diversity this is playing out in a lot of IDIOSYNCRATIC WAYS.
  • and it helps to understand that many neuro-diverse people are not fitting NEATLY into either the AUTISM CAMP or the ADHD CAMP ---
    • But may have BLURRED ASPECTS of BOTH.
 
  • My Dad was we thought one of the smartest guys we ever knew --- BUT he didn't think that because in school he had been "one of the great unwashed" ---
    • had trouble in spelling (which he got over) --- but it had a lasting impact --- he probably had some form of Dyslexia
    • in college --- he never took notes --- he just let the lectures wash over him --- he may have had some form of DYSGRAPHIA.
    • He was drawn to HISTORY and that very much suited his THINKING STYLE.
    • He was an incredible BIG PICTURE THINKER, had a range of knowledge that seemed off the scale and was an honest to goodness CRYPTOGRAPHER for the military.

MY DAD and SPEECH
  • My Dad was perfectly capable of "normal speech"--- as an adult in public he did listen a lot and smile and was courteous ---
    • BECAUSE he didn't always exactly agree with what was being said, if it was particularly egregious he didn't have a problem speaking up -- but we may often not quite agree with something and not think it is implicating our core moral beliefs.
  • On the other hand, my Mom (who had her own aspects of Neuro-Diversity) saw my Dad as very ARGUMENTATIVE (which he could be) and it was my Mom who thought it was UNFAIR for someone to use their VERBAL SKILLS as an unfair advantage at RESOLVING CONFLICT.

MY MOM
  • My Mom did not go to college --- she was helping to support her Single Mom with polio.
  • She was every bit my Dad's intellectual equal -- but in different ways.
  • She was a voracious reader --- she checked out stacks of books from the library every few weeks.
  • My Dad was pretty far from Athletic --- on the other hand he seemed to have an enormous amount of ENERGY.
  • My Mom was EXHAUSTED most of the time --- she took a lot of naps --- was having a hard time getting through the day.
  • She had a lot of headaches.
  • She smoked cigarettes at least in part to help manage some IDIOSYNCRATIC ENERGY FLOW.

So for me personally
  • I do like to argue --- actually even more than my Dad.
  • I don't have the verbal flow that my Dad had --- I use "you know" and "um" a lot to buy time for slower verbal processing.
  • I do a lot of verbal rehearsing --- and even though that can greatly reduce the "you knows" and "ums" --- it probably won't eliminate them.--
    • The first person to tell me I used "you know" a lot was my Dad.
    • He would not be the last.
  • I was in SPEECH THERAPY during most of elementary school --- at one point having GRADUATED SPEECH THERAPY -- only to be put back in the next year. 
In the words of Pharrell Williams --- "FREEDOM" is understanding we're made from the same things.
We are from heat
The Electric one
Does it shock you to see, he left us the sun?
The atoms in the air
Organisms in the sea
The Sun, and yes, man
Are made of the same things

Picture
I married someone who was an even slower verbal processor than I am.
  • Rick didn't use "you know" or "ums" ---
  • BUT he could literally be SPEECHLESS ---
    • especially with some type of heightened emotion was involved.
    • On the other hand --- in his defense Rick would say something along the lines of "Hey, I am more social than you are."
      • Which was true.
  • Rick was not an "athlete" per se -- but he was certainly more athletic than my Dad --- and like my Dad he had a lot of ENERGY until the last years of his life.
  • I'm not quite as EXHAUSTED as my Mom was -- BUT my ENERGY limits are not NEURO-TYPICAL ENERGY LIMITS.
    • I can have ENORMOUS BURSTS OF ENERGY for some things --
    • Get completely SPENT and BURNOUT for things that many people would think would be nothing.
  • Ironically, I loved TRIAL WORK but the ADMINISTRATIVE TASKS -- were a NIGHTMARE --- although I did and do enjoy Legal Writing (but it takes me MORE TIME).
    • I am looking to get back to some of that TRIAL WORK but looking to contract with someone to help with the ADMINISTRATIVE TASKS.
Human Relationships and especially FAMILIES over the course of TIME are on the front lines of UNDERSTANDING HUMAN DIVERSITY.
We do need CATEGORIES to help us understand the world given some REAL HUMAN COGNITIVE LIMITATIONS under the best of circumstances.
  • Our Brains and Bodies do not currently have the CAPACITY to process all of "REALITY."
We're confronted with approaching 8 BILLION people on this planet and literally TRILLIONS of FACTORS (and almost assuredly more) going to HUMAN BEHAVIOR.
Luckily --- NATURE/GOD gave us a UNIVERSAL LANGUAGE of INFLAMMATION --- it is CODING for a lot of things ----
  • That are connected to over 25,000 genes most of which are the same throughout human beings --
    • The greatest diversity goes to IMMUNITY
  • Further, genes and immunity are connected to EPIGENETIC CHANGES we're just beginning to understand.
  • AND a myriad of ENVIRONMENTAL FACTORS from TOXINS to TRAUMA are weighing in.
Picture
Wilma Mankiller was the 1st Female Chief of the Cherokee Nation
]]>
<![CDATA[Understanding Physical & Emotional Limits]]>Wed, 24 Aug 2022 13:04:05 GMThttps://orchidadvocacy.org/translational-love-relationships--neuro-diversity-saturday/understanding-physical-emotional-limits
I think the first thing to understand is that we all have physical and emotional limits.
  • Further, they are not the same.
 
  • What one person finds REJUVENATING is the next person's STRESS NIGHTMARE.
 
  • Understanding  a spouse, child, family member or friend's "LIMITS" ---- helps us from taking things "PERSONALLY."
    • The other side of that is that taking things "PERSONALLY" is often what motivates us to figure things out.
 
  • When it comes to PHYSICAL & EMOTIONAL LIMITS in Neuro-Diversity ---- that is extremely COMPLICATED.
    • There are VISUAL CUES but they are not necessarily what we're expecting --- sometimes they are.
    • Further, it is not just "OTHERS" that find this COMPLICATED --- it is the person themselves.
For Neuro-Diverse Couples, Spouses, Families --- once you can start to recognize some IDIOSYNCRATIC ENERGY and EXECUTIVE FUNCTIONING DIFFERENCES ---
  • It's not necessarily that big a deal.
  • BUT if you don't make some relationship ACCOMMODATIONS & WORK-AROUNDS --
    • it can certainly become a big deal and likely will become a big deal.
The "FAMILY" is the Foundation of Society and whether its your BIOLOGICAL FAMILY or a CHOSEN FAMILY --- you and they are getting a BACKSTAGE PASS to Human Reality.
  • A challenging thing is making ACCOMMODATIONS and WORK-AROUNDS for others
  • And an even SCARIER thing is asking for those ACCOMMODATIONS and WORK-AROUNDS.
]]>
<![CDATA["Religion is for Those Who Don't Want to Go to Hell --- Spirituality is for Those Who Have Been There"]]>Sun, 14 Aug 2022 09:49:07 GMThttps://orchidadvocacy.org/translational-love-relationships--neuro-diversity-saturday/religion-is-for-those-who-dont-want-to-go-to-hell-spirituality-is-for-those-who-have-been-there
For some Neuro-Diverse people the way we were going to manage that RAMPED UP STRESS RESPONSE was --- we were going to be PERFECT and the people around us we're going to be PERFECT.

Not only were we not PERFECT BUT a lot of the things we were were doing were BURNING OURSELVES and THOSE AROUND US OUT.

Also ---- WE'RE UNCONSCIOUSLY BREAKING OURSELVES and OTHERS down with PARTIAL ONE-SIDED VIEWS of our own and others' STRENGTHS and WEAKNESSES.

In fairness, it takes ENERGY to deal with this much more complicated reality of ourselves and others --- especially, when we don't generally have all the information we need to SMOOTHLY navigate all this.


We're born into the MIDDLE of A STORY ---
  • We try to figure it out as fast as we can ---
  • AND we don't see the end.

 I was listening to the interview of a woman who was a member of the Mother Emanuel Church in Charleston and she said ----"If I bet on love ---I may suffer but I'm not going to lose."
Brene Brown:  The Power of Vulnerability
Relationships are "PERSONAL" --- BUT Many of the Drivers are "IMPERSONAL"
  • Especially in the world today --- looking at Neuro-Developmental Differences, Psychiatric Disorders and Substance Issues ----
    • That's not just affecting a HANDFUL OF PEOPLE  --- It's affecting MILLIONS and probably over a BILLION PEOPLE.
      • In the US --- low grade inflammation is the NORM
 
  • In some ways --- IF WE CAN SURVIVE IT --- Neuro-Developmental Differences may be the ANTIDOTE to the ME GENERATION
    • Just as Climate Change is FORCING A RECKONING on the ENVIRONMENTAL LEVEL.
 
  • With Genetics, Epigenetics, Developmental Inflammation and Inflammation Acquired During the Lifetime ----
    • That is pushing PRECISION MEDICINE.
 
  • It's also pushing an understanding of HISTORY, of Issues that stand out like GENERATIONAL TRAUMA, but also AUTO-IMMUNE DISEASE and perhaps uncovering long-term biological challenges in the move away from AGRICULTURAL SOCIETIES --
    • that weren't perfect either.
 
]]>